YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
