I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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