Sry I called you an 8
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
