you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
