The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
