How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
