i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
