I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
