just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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