The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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