I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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