I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
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You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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