he puts the penis in happiness.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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