My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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