i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
