I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
