i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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