Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
