Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
