we have officially lost it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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