so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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