If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
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I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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