sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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