Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
