Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
