Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I look better un-naked...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
