guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
