you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
