i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
