as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
