It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
