can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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