Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
