at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize