you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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