non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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