Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
