Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
