at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize