The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
