thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
