Yo dont text me then not text me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
