god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
