Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize