I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
