You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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