...so i touched it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
