In the future we'll all be gay
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
