i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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