i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
