I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Come share oat with me in your robe
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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