It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
