Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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