He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
