Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
