You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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