You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
