i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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