2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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