if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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