Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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