....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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